Getting Comfortable with Being Uncomfortable
My flight was cancelled due to a connectivity issue at the Detroit Airport this Friday. Delta has paused all flights on 12/05 morning. I was frustrated. I wanted to see a concert that I’ve been longing for for weeks.
But I’ve already booked everything. I hoped to get a refund for my hotel reservation.
From where I am from, I was always told not to have conflict with people directly in China. While everyone’s cultural experience differs, I have found it very important to argue for what you deserve in the States.
Argue Wisely Because You Deserve
It’s never my fault that I had to cancel today’s hotel. When I called the hotel twice before, they told me the same thing: that the reservation was non-refundable. The agent was helpful, but I hoped to get a better solution.
One essential way to negotiate is to try to talk to their manager. I said it nicely to the agent helping me, and his manager asked me to send a cancellation confirmation. After I emailed in, I called again and explained the situation to a lot of folks, not just me. So, this shows another important thing during negotiations, which is reasoning and evidence. Thinking from the hotel’s side: they want to see if you cancelled it due to personal reasons or some uncontrollable external forces.
They then provided an e-credit that can be applied to their hotel only, but I may not come back and book the hotel in the future. After I said that, they offered to refund the money to my bank account.
Before that, trying to negotiate with the manager also helped me to get a better hotel room several months ago. If you have encountered situations like this, try to argue because you deserve better service. As an international student, it might make you feel difficult when you are negotiating using another language, but it is worth taking that step.
2. Express Discomfort When Feel Violated
I’ve heard my friends sharing that they were not being respected when hanging out in a bar. After she said “No” seriously and hugged her friend, the other person finally walked away.
Some situations that happened to me were overtime meetings frequently, my tenant owing half a month's rent, and serving questionable food in a big restaurant. Though I felt uncomfortable talking about my feelings first, I eventually chose to speak up and communicate with them.
Beyond studying on campus, we also live, eat, and play here. It is almost inevitable that we may feel violated physically or emotionally when interacting with others. When you feel comfortable communicating with someone and feel disrespected, I would encourage you to speak up about it. At least you will make a trial because you deserve to be respected.
3. Don’t Take It Personally
I don’t know if it is a universal thing: when I was a freshman, I felt awkward asking a question when I did not understand the clerk. And I would remember this for some time, and doubted if my English was that bad.
But the truth, after learning how people order, I got to know that I needed to relax more. The clerk faces different customers every day, and they are always going to be helpful. We don’t have to speak perfect native English to communicate. We come from a different country, and we are probably bilingual, trilingual, multilingual… It’s totally fine to not master some languages.
So, a final tip is not to take things personally. You are doing totally fine in a new country. When in question, just ask.
